From a young age, we’re taught to treat others with respect, to be honest, and to understand how our words and actions affect those around us. We learn how to be a good friend, family member, and partner.
But how often do we extend that same kindness and understanding to ourselves?
For those with ADHD, self-talk can be especially harsh—filled with frustration, self-doubt, or shame. But what if we could change that conversation?
March 2025, Andrew Brawner, ADHD Coach @ Agave Health
How We Talk is How We Walk
As a coach, I’ve had the privilege of listening to people share their struggles, accomplishments, and everything in between. When I listen, certain words and phrases stand out.
They act like brushstrokes on a canvas, revealing how someone views themselves and the barriers they may be facing. Many of these barriers come from the labels we assign ourselves—words that limit our perception of who we really are.
Breaking Free from Labels
Labels help us categorize the world, but they can also trap us.
If I call myself a coach, what does that actually mean? If I were no longer a coach, who would I be? Many of us define ourselves by our careers, achievements, or roles in life. But when those labels change—when we lose a job, graduate, retire, or experience a major life shift—we can feel lost, like a boat without a rudder.
I see this often in ADHD minds:
High school and college students struggling with grades or uncertainty about their future.
Adults navigating job loss or retirement and feeling a loss of purpose.
Individuals going through major life transitions, like divorce or career changes, questioning their identity.
So, if we aren’t just our labels, then who are we?
Redefining Who You Are Through Action
We are not just the titles we hold. We are the actions we take.
I am persistent because I have overcome life-altering challenges to get here.
I am resilient because I refused to let the label “lazy” define me.
I am empathetic because I understand the struggles of those I coach and walk beside them on their journey.
We are not our failures, nor are we just our accomplishments. We are the sum of our experiences, the lessons we’ve learned, and the choices we make moving forward.
Feeling Stuck? Reframe Your Story with This Activity
One of the biggest challenges in moving forward is letting go of past mistakes and self-imposed labels. Many of us carry our past like an anchor, holding us down with self-doubt and regret.
When we internalize words like failure, lazy, or not good enough, we start to believe they define us. And because trying and failing feels worse than not trying at all, we avoid discomfort—procrastinating, distracting ourselves, or settling into self-doubt.
You can reframe your past by writing a letter to your younger self, thanking them for enduring the journey that led you here.
Example:
“I thank you for enduring the stress of the past. Thank you for not giving up on me. It wasn’t always pretty, but because of you, I now have the courage to accept myself as I am—and as I will become. I’m ready to move forward.”
Your past is not your prison. It is proof that you can endure, adapt, and grow.
Final Thoughts: The Challenge for You
Self-talk matters. The words we use to describe ourselves shape our beliefs, our choices, and ultimately, our future.
As you move forward, remember:
The way you talk to yourself shapes your identity.
Labels may help simplify life, but they don’t define who you are.
You are not your past failures—you are the actions you take.
Reflecting on your journey, even through a simple letter to your younger self, can help shift your mindset.
Now it’s your turn—how would you describe yourself without using labels? Write it down and take the first step toward redefining your self-talk.
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